Crossdressers ask your Crossdressing help questions here, page 1

Dear Sami,

People avoid me because I am a Crossdresser. I can't help it I will never change. My feelings get stronger every year. What can I do??

Thank you,

George

Dear George,

There are many forms of communication. Some are written and some are not. Some are verbal and some are not. But there is another kind of communication that is neither written nor spoken. Body language is a part of this kind of communication. We expect you are communicating through your body language that you are a person that should be avoided and hence people are avoiding you.

Specifically, if you think that you are a bad person because you are a Crossdresser, you are likely to communicate that through your body language even when you are not Crossdressing.

People will then pick up on your body language and avoid contact with you. You in turn will notice this and think you are a bad person because others think badly of you. Then your body language gets even more pronounced and people start noticing it even more. You then feel even worse and a cycle of guilt is formed. For many Crossdressers this cycle of guilt is fully in place by five years old. Think about this. A little kid is thinking they are a bad person because they know that they don’t fit the binary gender expectations of the world.

So what do we Crossdressers do? We accept the fact that gender is not binary. There is no black and white in gender, only various shades of gray between the unattainable end points of the ideal male and female image. We are all gray. However, Crossdressers are a little more toward the center than most. But at 8% of the population there are a lot of us out there.

Now accepting the idea that you could be a good person is really hard to do. You more than likely formed this opinion of yourself at a very young age. It takes a lot of effort to overcome this mind set, but it can be done. We believe the first step is to accept the idea that gender is not binary. From a medical point of view this is well known. There are lots of medical conditions that produce non-ideal gender results. We learn from these exceptions that gender is not binary.

Accept yourself as a good person and enjoy your Crossdressing. Override the feelings embedded in you at such a young age and change your body language from saying “Avoid me” to saying “Hi, I am a good person. Let’s be friends”.

Hugs,

Sami

Dear Sami,

I am going to a In-Fem conversion out of state and need to fly there. I hear they search your luggage before your get on the plane. How can I deal with this?

Best regards,

Tom

Dear Tom,

The authorities have the right to search your bags. Now if you are a good actor, pack everything in a suitcase that looks feminine and tell them it is your wife's bag. We don't recommend this because most of us are nervous about being discovered and a well trained security person should pick up on this. The better solution is to make arrangements with the hotel to ship them a box addressed to yourself. Be careful to find out how the hotel wants the box shipped. Mostly they will want you to ship the box to the street address (not the PO Box address) of the hotel and to the attention of a registered guest, that's you. Remember that only the addressee can retrieve the box. Ship early and check to see that delivery has been made. UPS and FedEx Second Day Air are very reliable.

Dear Sami,

I need a safe place to keep my stuff. I can't keep it at home.

Sincerely yours,

George

Dear George,

If you are looking for storage of your personal items, think about renting a storage unit with some friends. An eight foot high by five foot wide by five foot deep storage room cost about $50 to $60 per month. With five friends sharing the rent that can be as low as $10 a month. Please get a temperature controlled storage unit. You don't want your makeup melting. Also, it is best to have 24 hour access to the storage location and have a change of clothing stored there as well just in case.

Dear Sami:

My question is, do I attempt to go out during the day? Am I fooling myself that I can withstand scrutiny in broad daylight? What do I do if "found out"? I guess basically I am wondering how long does it take to build up enough confidence to be "Kara" more often?

Thanks,

Kara

Dear Kara,

The thing to do is fit in. Take a trip to the mall at the same day of the week and time you want to go Dressed. Go in Drab and notice what the women wear and how they act. Are there a lot of woman shopping alone? Or are there lots of pairs of Woman shopping. What are they wearing? If you go somewhere and look out of place as a woman it is a problem. It is a problem for genetic women. It is even more a problem for us. Fit in and enjoy your shipping. A Crossdresser out shopping is a common site for those that know how to look. If you can find a woman (not another Crossdresser) to go with, it would be wonderful.

If you do get read, don't panic. So what if you get read. Most of the times that we get read it is by someone in the community. It is your right to dress however you like.

Don't speed and if you get stopped by the police, be nice. They have seen it before. Mostly people don't care. There are some that do and it is hard to deal with them. Don't let their problem become yours.

There are two things to be careful of: First, learn what the laws are concerning bathroom use before you use the Ladies Room. I hear Ohio is very stuffy about this issue. Second, avoid times where there will be lots of teenage girls. They are very gender aware and have been known to be difficult to deal with.

Learn, fit in, have fun. Enjoy Life.

Hugs and lots of love,

Sami

Dear Sami:

I have been dressing for years but just recently started trying to go out. What can I do to make my hands look more lady like?

Sincerely yours,

Tammie

Dear Tammie:

A couple of things you need to be aware of.

Women do not have hair on their hands or knuckles, and if they do, they remove it.
Keep your nails clean and the edges smooth. Clean Nails are critical.
Their is a subtle difference in looking at your nails, observe a woman she will hold her hand out, palm down, to observe her nails, where a guy will curl his fingers around forward with palm up. It is a subtle difference, but a noticeable one.
DO NOT under any circumstance stick you nails in your mouth, at any time, for any reason, especially out in public.
Get rid of dry scaly skin, exfoliate your hands as you would your skin. This means taking a buff puff, and scrubbing the tops of your hands and putting on a moisturizer while hands are still wet. Slip on some cotton gloves for a few hours and your hands and nails will appreciate it and look much better.
Keep your cuticles pushed back, best to do after a shower when they are wet, just push them back with your towel. They will learn to be trained to stay back. Never cut them. Keep nails buffed and cared for. Treat yourself to a manicure, not uncommon at all these days for a man to have manicured nails.
If you want long length for an evening or week-end out, Sami's Closet has a great set of nails, especially styled for the larger hand. With long nails, your hands will look smaller in comparison. It is again the "minds eye", if that eye, sees long nails on a large hand, the mind says female with large hands.
When out, observe women and see just what it is they do with their hands. Observe and imitate their hand movements. If you smoke, women hold a cigarette differently than a man, observe this as well.

Good luck, and if there is anything we can do to help do not hesitate to contact us, but do take a look at those nails, they do make a difference.

Dear Sami,

There seems to be a rule for everything. Why can't I wear white in the winter?

Confused,

Darlene

Dear Darlene,

You can wear white clothing in winter, just not white shoes. Rules are made to be broken. But If you wear white shoes, you need light hosiery and light hosiery does not go well with the darker shades of winter. There is also an off-white color called Winter White.

Dear Sami,

I've been cross dressing now for a couple of years. My first year I was a closet Crossdresser. Than it was just about after that first year my mother caught me and of all things to be wearing, her wedding dress. Well, to my surprise she loved what she seen. I still remember that day clearly. Anyways, since than my mother has been such a great help towards me finding my true self, it's unbelievable. She taught me all about my make-up, my hair, she does wonders. She enjoys my hair. She'll spend hours on my hair. She loves putting curls in my hair. She gives me a complete work over on my finger and toe nails. Sami, she treats me like her daughter. I love it. For my 21st birthday, she bought me my first ever breast forms. I worship the ground my mother stands on. I've got to be the luckiest child alive. Well, that following night, she took me out to one of her night clubs, she goes to with her girlfriends. I have to tell you. I had one of the most beautiful nights of my life. Just being held by these men as we danced. I'd swear, I died and went to heaven.

Well, what I'm trying to say is that, being out that night. I noticed other girls my age maybe a little older. I noticed how perfect their bums and hips looked. The next day after my mother went to work. I got on the computer and started looking up female hormones. They have pills out there that can make me look more feminine and if I took them long enough, I'd get that figure I'm dying for. Well, I brought it up to my mother after dinner as we were clearing the table and to my surprise, she said no. She claims she'll be the one to decide on that and this is not the time. She says that I should stop and smell the roses. Enjoy what I got now, that I have a whole life ahead of me. Sami, I can't believe she said that. She knows that I want to be her daughter. She shows me herself everyday, that she wants me as her daughter. I still can't believe she said that. Would you believe she came in my bedroom some time after wards. Handing me a print out of what she just ordered from this company. It's a pair of panties with built in pads for the bum and hips. I didn't tell her, but I can't wear that. Sami, I came across your web-site and you know what I'm going through. Would you please give me some advise. Something that I can convince my mother that I need to order those pills. My god they say in less than three months I'll be able to notice a change, in six months I'll have that feminine figure that I'm dying for and you know what? She'll love it. Please help me out. You are like my last resort.

Dear Diane,

You are a very lucky person and you are being faced with some very big decisions. These decisions will change the course of your life. You need to take your time in making these decisions and use your head and your heart to make them. You need to understand these decisions are not to be taken lightly.

You and your mother are having fun and that is wonderful. She has indicated that she is not comfortable with you taking female hormones. Please take the time to resolve this with your mother. Once you develop a feminine shape it is there forever. With padding, breast forms and makeup you can take it off at the end of the day. You cannot take breasts grown with hormones off at the end of the day. They would be with you for the rest of your life. There would also be other changes.

Enjoy your time dressing up with your mother and if you really feel the need to go further, seek the help of a caring professional. There are a number of good gender programs at many of the major universities. There are also clinics that are more interested in convincing you that you need their help, when in fact they have their self-interest in mind more than yours.

This is a very important decision. Make it wisely. Take your time in making this decision. The longer a decision will affect your life, the longer you need to take when making the decision.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. You have a bright and wonderful future ahead of you. Stay sweet, be truthful with yourself and with others, but most of all make the decisions that are right for you. Just take the time to make the decisions work for yourself and the ones you love.

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