My husband has recently admitted

Sami,

My husband has recently admitted what i figured out years ago (while we were still dating, btw. i mean seriously... i don't WHY he thought i wouldn't notice my undies getting strangely stretched out in odd places. or my lingerie disappearing for a while, then mysteriously reappearing; i got so exasperated i sneakily bought some of the same pairs in a larger size). so now, in celebration of his coming out, i want to get him a special gift.

he's still kind of shy about this whole thing, so i'm a little at a loss about what to get him. and plus, we're kind of tight on money. so $400 for nice boobs is out of the question. :( it needs to be discreetish, but pretty. he likes polka dots, and the Golden Era of hollywood. we're figuring out the makeup and hair bit by bit, so that's covered. (I have to confess, it's a lot of fun--we both giggle a lot). maybe shoes? he's athletic with great legs (enjoys working out and he looks great, btw. very fit and easy on the eyes ^_^)

also, do you think it's better to use 'he' or 'she' when referring to him in girly mode? And i'd like your input on a nickname. I suggested Anya-Leigh, Lydia, or Vanessa. I like those, and we've never been able to have use them for our kids--3 boys, go figure haha. However, he likes Babette and Nadia/Nadine. we need a third opinion.

anyways, i hope you're having a great day. *hugs* and thanks ahead of time for your help.

Donna


Dear Donna,

The biggest and best gift you can give him is your love and acceptance. Select a small gift that shows him that you accept him as he is including the feminine side. The gift should be given at a quite and intimate moment. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. It is the time you spend in the selection of a female article that is the real gift. It should be a personal item that is clearly one hundred percent female.

Follow the small gift with a shopping trip scheduled for another day to select an outfit or two. Avoid times at the mall where there will be a lot of school aged girls. Sunday mornings is a great time; a week day morning is also good. If he is shy about being at the mall that is no problem. Many women drag their husbands into a dress shop and the husbands are a bit embarrassed. He will fit right in.

It is very hard to hide a part of your personality and that is what most Crossdressers believe they have to do. I think that you will learn that you have a husband that is a better partner in life than you ever expected. As he feels empowered to open this side of himself to you, he may go a little over the top. This is normal and only temporary. I can also help him through this if he writes. The point is to go slow and keep communicating.

BTW, use bird seed to fill some knee-highs for inexpensive Breast Forms. Here is another opportunity for you to have feminine bonding time with him. Show your acceptance by your actions. Find a quite time to select a bust size together. He will be shy about selecting a bust size that is appropriate to his frame. On his own he will most likely select a bust size that is too small. Encourage him to be a size that looks good on him and that you are comfortable with.

As for the pronouns, use the pronoun appropriate for how he is dressed. This is again another opportunity to show your acceptance with your actions. What you say is important. What you do is even more important.

As for a feminine name, select it together. But he may prefer that you suggest a feminine name for him. Consider it a gift that you can give him. Again this is opportunity to show acceptance by your actions. Specifically by helping him select a name and by using it.

It is very important you keep this just between the two of you. This kind of thing is not accepted by all and it need to be maintained as a private issue. In time this will change, but not for a while yet.

Thank you for writing. We would be very pleased to help in any way that we can.

Hugs,

Sami